A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Church II

Having made these basic and – we think – rather "progressive" alterations, we have anticipated a few wrinkles and have some good suggestions on how to iron them out.

For one thing, not all elders are particularly talented musically. (You people know who you are!) So it may cause undue discomfort to the Primary Elder (not to mention the "congregation") for the Primary Elder to be saddled with sole responsibility for songs sung in the "church". Our suggestion for this is the creation of an all new office, the "Worship Leader." Hopefully possessing of musical talent, the Worship Leader can accomplish musically in the "church" what the old ekklesia simply couldn't when it was open for general participation from just any-old-body. We would expect that a few hold-outs will miss the old style free participation; these people should probably be gathered up by the new Worship Leader into a sort of "choir" of specialized singers for the "church" – assuming of course that they can meet the Worship Leader's expectations.

Another concern is that the members of the "church" may begin to atrophy spiritually now that they are expected to no longer contribute to the meetings. This could probably best be counteracted by forming some specialized "study groups" of some kind. If pre-determined study materials were written out and distributed in advance the members could have a sort of "class" which would allow for a minimal amount of discussion (which should seem a bit like the old ekklesia days) without too much worry of departing from the scheduled itinerary. It should be easy to keep people fairly busy and feeling "churchy" by adding these kinds of things.

This may not quite suffice for some people who are attached to the old ways of real interaction in the ekklesia. For these people it might be best if some "churches" tolerate or even encourage the use of minor verbal interjections in the course of the Primary Elder's preaching or teaching. For example, upon hearing a point of agreement in the "message", they might exclaim such things as "amen," "hallelujah," "preach it brother," or other such similar interjections designed to sound pious and feel interactive–especially if uttered with gusto – yet not having any real substance of any sort which might distract the "assembly", not to mention the Primary Elder, from the "message". Even seemingly boisterous outbursts like waving of hands or shouting "woo-hoo" might be agreeable in some "churches", just as long as no one in the congregation is actually saying or asking anything of any real substance.

Shouting of "woo-hoos" notwithstanding, the new "church" will surely prove to be much more passive and quiet than the old ekklesia, and thus it might take less disturbance to make a distraction in the congregation. With this in mind, it might be best for most "churches" to begin a habit of removing babies and children from the assembly. This would require that some number of persons be drawn off from the main "service", but without the old ekklesia paradigm that should be of no real significance: they won't actually be doing much in there anyway. Besides, there probably will be those persons whose desire for true interaction and fellowship in the Lord is such that it won't be satisfied by "whoo-hoos" or handwaving, and these make prime candidates for the nursery and "children's church" programs. Surely they would then feel that they are doing something more concrete, and in time such people might even be made to feel that they are "called" to do such things, quite as though there were some sort of a gifting or calling of God in that way.

Many people will find after this much exertion that they feel "led" back to the more passive position of sitting in the congregation to hear the "message" (with the favorable side-effect of reducing the number and enthusiasm of "amen's"), but probably a very few will be insufficiently challenged even by the nursery or "children's church" "ministry." For these people there will likely be only one real recourse: involvement in a "Youth Program." It is highly unlikely they will have any desire for interaction left after that! Yes, that should take the fight out of most "church" members, but a very few even of these will find an agreeable challenge in this labor. That sort of thing should be encouraged and lauded for just these very reasons, and persons should be actively sought who "feel" themselves "called to the Youth." (As a side benefit, the position of "Youth Pastor" can be used as a sort of apprentice position for men who desire to become Primary Elders themselves. Such practice will probably be needed now as the lack of interaction, exercising of judgment, general edification and exhortation that used to take place in the ekklesias will likely mean that Primary Elders must now receive their teaching in an academic fashion from some sort of special school for Primary Elders.)

One down-side has been suggested about the removal of the young from the main congregation: the erosion of families in the "church". If this proves to be the case the Primary Elder should spend more time proclaiming the value of the family to our "churches" and our nations, and organize school prayer meetings among "The Youth" so that they might be 'salt and light' in our schools.

Now, concerning "doubtful things" (Rom 14:1): It is highly doubtful that the sisters in Christ want to be reminded about how they ought to dress, and just as doubtful that "The Pastor" would want to remind them! It is also doubtful that parents would appreciate anyone expecting good behavior from their children. And also doubtful that the "Pastor" would want to know that any of the points in the "message" are clearly contradicted by the Bible. So it would really be best from now on if everyone just keeps quiet on all of these things.

All in all we're pretty excited about our "church" remodel: once you get in and take a look you'll hardly even recognize it! And we're sure that everyone will get accustomed to the new changes and won't even think about the way things were originally set up.